August 2006
Last week I was ready to just go out into the woods and die like a dog.
We used to own a mobile home, but we lost it during Frances and Jeanne. It was totally destroyed. Since then, we have been moving around between family and group homes.
I am bi-polar, and I have cancer in my back and on my face. I had a stroke in February. The cancer is spreading, and I have to have surgery soon, otherwise I will end up in a wheelchair. Bob has a letter from his doctor that explains his condition.
“Mr. Leonard suffers from medulloblastoma status post whole brain radiation which has left the patient blind since he was a teenager. The patient also is with meningioma resection with history of benign brain neoplasm resection. The patient at this time requires 24-hour care and monitoring. The patient continues to be permanently and totally disabled.” It’s getting harder and harder for him to walk.
Right now we are actually staying in an illegal group home. We pay them $1,000 a month. They are supposed to give us three meals a day, but they don’t. We aren’t allowed to be there during the day, and if we are, we have to stay in our rooms; we are not allowed to come out. We tried going to another drop-in center, but all they do is watch TV, and there is a lot of foul language.
We are very unhappy, and we don’t feel safe, but we are at our last stop. We have been trying and trying to get into a nursing home, but the wait for a Medicaid bed is months. We have actually been told that we have to wait for someone to die for a spot to open up. Here we are with no groceries, nothing to eat, no place to go, no hope at all. We were at our wits end. But you all have given us hope. (Her eyes begin to well up and her voice cracks.) Someone told us about The Source, and from the moment we walked in, we fell in love with it.
I have heard people talk about the Lord, but I have never seen Him at work like He is here. God – the Spirit – He’s here! He is in everybody here. I had thought to myself, “There is no God.” But now I know that He has always been with me.
I had a vision back at the home. The other night I was having trouble breathing. They wouldn’t take me to the hospital. I laid there and prayed, “Lord, help me!” I felt like someone put a vacuum over my mouth and sucked out all the air. Then I could breathe. The wall opened up and I saw a giant of a Man with beautiful, long, flowing white hair and fire coming out of his eyes. Then another wall opened up and there were priests and angels there, praising God and kissing my hands. They were saying, “You will know. You will know.” I didn’t know what they meant. Being bi-polar, I thought maybe I was losing touch with reality.
The Lord has just been so beautiful to us since we’ve been coming here. We gave our lives to Him right here at The Source. He has always been at work in my life, but now I can see His miracles so clearly. Pastor Lottie connected us with someone who has been an incredible blessing. Now we have a safe place to go. Miss Ashley offered to get me the diabetic testing kit I need. George gave my Bob here the King James New Testament on CD, along with a portable player and batteries. (She pulls them out and beams as she shows them to me.) I got a large print Bible. We take turns listening, and when he is listening, I read. It has been such a comfort.
Now we want to live for God. Not just talk the talk, but walk the walk. We have been together for eight years, but we can’t get married because Bob will lose his SSI if we do. Still, we have made the decision to abstain from intimate relations until we can be married. We made our vows before the Lord, but we want to be right by man’s laws too. We want to honor God with our relationship and with our lives.
We can’t thank you enough for all that you have done for us.
